Saturday, 23 May 2020
Today has been a very quiet, moochy, sort of day. Catching up with household chores, a bit of online grocery shopping, helping Molly choose some new shelves for her room, making coffee and just generally hanging out at home.
We haven't managed to get outside today to put up our new lights as the weather has been a mix of sunshine and showers and still very windy, we didn't manage a walk either. It was such a battle out in the wind yesterday that to be frank I really couldn't be bothered with it again today. Simon and I use the chance to go out for a walk to have just a short amount of time that is just ours, away from the house and an opportunity to chat and connect; with the wind as it has been chatting has proved to be a tad difficult!
Simon has spent most of the day getting to grips with the electronics part of his mouse droid build. He has been connecting Arduinos to a sound card and then once he had sound working he was able to connect it to a couple of speakers; it's been playing the Star Wars theme as well as the appropriate droid bleeps and boops! It's been wires, micro-chips and soldering all afternoon...all a bit beyond me so I just kept the coffee coming!
And that's about it for today. It has been a frustrating day at times. An anxious day at times. I feel that I have been unable to 'make things right' for some who are struggling at the moment. I feel that I am always trying to make things right for everyone else and perhaps still ignoring how I feel or doing what I want to do. This is me. I tend to want to make sure everyone is 'alright', that they are happy and when they aren't, for whatever reason, I want to be able to make it 'alright' but I can't...I don't have a magic wand but I do have time and I try to have patience and I try to be supportive to get whatever needs to be sorted done. I should embrace this as my superpower, my want to help, my desire to make everything right but when I can't do that, when I can't instantaneously flick a switch I feel like I have failed.
I love those around me and it hurts when they are troubled and I can't do anything about it. And with everything that is going on at the moment it feels like every little hiccup is a million times worse than it would have been normally. We will get through it all together, just some days feel way harder or stranger than they need.