Day 782...final goodbye

Day 782...

Well the start of the working week and our usual Monday 'off' but it was not a normal Monday for us.

The day started off as normal and the morning was spent wrapping presents for a couple of upcoming birthdays, organising the posting of some of the aforementioned pressies, finishing off a letter to the solicitors, buying some new pillows and placing an order with our online butchers of choice!

My brother, Glen, and his wife then arrived and we all jumped in his car to head over to our local crematorium as today was the day we were to scatter my dad's ashes. The only stipulation that my dad had left with us was for him to be scattered in the 'garden of remembrance' which were the same wishes as laid out in my mum's will. 

Glen had collected my dad's ashes following his cremation last week and today was the final part in saying goodbye to him. The crematorium were able to tell us where our mum had been scattered seven years ago so that we could scatter my dad in the same place. The staff were lovely and transferred my dad's ashes into a nicer, and easier to handle, receptacle. We were then left to scatter them as we saw fit. I let Glen do the scattering and we walked the length of the designated area and spoke about my dad, and my mum, and said our goodbyes. It was much more emotional than I think I had anticipated for all of us; tears and hugs all round.

My dad will now be with the love of his life; he had missed my mum terribly over the past seven years and had never really gotten over her passing. They had been together since their late teenage years and my dad had struggled to function without her there by his side. We can only take solace in the fact that they are together once more.

We then took the time to enjoy a coffee and cake at a local cafe before heading home. Glen and I had some paperwork to go over and collate and later I was able to stop by the solicitors office with it all so hopefully we can make progress with sorting out my dad's estate. With that done and my parcel posted it was back home for the remainder of the day.

It has been an odd sort of day and much more emotional than I'd been anticipating. The last few weeks have at times been a whirlwind and I think I underestimate how much this has all been affecting me. An we still have the outcome of the coroners inquest to deal with but that will be a few months away yet.

So Monday done and I'll see you tomorrow,
xx

Day 740 - Dad

Day 740...

Today's post is going to be different to my usual daily chronicling of events and will explain the lack of a post from yesterday.

Saturday did not turn out as expected at all. And without going into too much detail we lost my dad. It was unexpected and the circumstances around his passing compounded the loss.

He was a fiercely independent person who did not like asking for help or even admitting that he needed help and ultimately that spirit did not do him any favours. As we get older we want to retain our dignity, our independence and our own self-responsibility but we have to acknowledge that it is okay to ask for help and support along the way. But now is not the time for 'should haves' and 'could haves'; he is no longer with us and we have to learn to accept that, remember him and celebrate his life.

Losing my mum seven years ago broke my dad and every day since her passing he has struggled. He had some days better than others but in the main he was lost without her. And as my brother said in a social media post earlier today that was testament to the love that they shared and the bond that they had. My dad was lost without her, he had lost the driving force in his life and he never recovered from it.

Over the years he had tried to carry on by going to the gym a few times each week, by visiting his favourite pub each day for lunch and the occasional meal out with his 'gym buddies'. Unfortunately for my dad the two years of the pandemic did not help his situation, being cut off from the world affected his mobility and the activities that were keeping him going. 

He has simply existed since my mum passed but at least they can now be together. We have gained another star to look down upon us.

But we have lots of amazing memories to remember him, and my mum, with. Numerous holidays together, visiting Vegas, his love of Elvis, birthdays, Christmas's, teaching Simon DIY tricks (or bodges!), helping me with the kids when Simon worked away, Dad's (and Grandad's) taxi service, his speech at our wedding and 'Magnum P.I' dance moves, welcoming Simon into our family even if he did chase him with a pair of scissors threatening to cut his long hair and always calling me Poll or Polly (I know not why).

He was a warm, kind and generous soul, and will be missed by all who knew him.

Portrait painted by Simon in 2005

Miss you dad, but I know you and mum can be together once more.

xx