Day 762

Day 762...

Well today has been a day of various appointments.

It started out with my least favourite of the day...the dentist! I've never liked the dentist and despite numerous treatments over the years my love of going has wained even more.

So on arrival we are told we have to wear a mask...really?! When the majority of my time within the building will be spent with my mouth open! One positive to be taken from the pandemic is that all the forms that would have been completed in person on arrival are now sent via text and email a few days before to be completed online. They even have an electronic check-in to save speaking to a receptionist which would have been great if it had worked.

I had to have a couple of x-rays and while they showed up a couple of cavities I opted not to have any treatment as they have not been causing me any pain. Although I do think it odd when the dentist asks me what I want to do about them...isn't that their job to advise the patient?

I was hoping to get a clean and polish today as two years of not being able to have this done meant my teeth were in need. But apparently all I could have done was the scraping part and not the polishing part because of covid!!! Really? So I have been left with cleaner but rather rougher feeling teeth!

After a quick stop at home for a coffee I popped out to our local Lidl to stock up on a few fresh supplies and decaf coffee; the essentials.

After lunch I headed into Derby for the first of my two afternoon appointments, a quick beauty treatment. My next appointment meant jumping back in the car to head to the outskirts of Derby and to the Breast Unit at the main city hospital. I arrived in plenty of time and was thankful I'd had the foresight to bring some coffee with me as due to restrictions still being in place I wasn't allowed to enter until 5 minutes before my appointment time. 

Having being diagnosed and treated for breast cancer in March of 2019 this marks my third annual mammogram appointment and was the first time back at the main breast unit since my operation. During the pandemic the mammograms had been completed at a smaller site away from the main hospital, but today I was back where it all began. I was in and out in next to no time and now have to wait for my results which will be with me in a couple of weeks! I have two more annual mammograms to go before I am classified as 'all clear' and then I'll revert to the standard screening of every three years.

Back home and the coffee was just brewing thanks to Simon. I spent a few minutes online catching up with the antics of my podcast co-host Michelle as she arrived in Disneyland Paris today and has been posting video online throughout the day.

I had a few minutes to start sorting jigsaw pieces before Simon and I headed down 'the gym' for our usual Tuesday night workout.

And I think that is Tuesday all done so I will see you tomorrow.
xx

Day 518...Mid-week boobs!

Day 518...

We have reached the middle of the week and today Molly and I had a mission this morning - it was bra check time!

Off we headed into Nottingham with Molly at the steering wheel and yet again, at only her second time driving into this relatively busy city, she did amazing. I'm not sure I would have been so confident to have done that at her age!

We headed over to our bra shop of choice; Bravissimo. We had tried last year to visit for a fitting but had been unable to get in and it has taken us a year to get back. Now, Bravissimo is targeted at us girls who are lucky enough to be blessed in the boob department. But I would advise any lady out there to go and get measured properly. I remember my first visit to Bravissimo at the advise of a friend, I went in as a 36C and came out as (I think) a 32E (or thereabouts). My bra size has changed again since then as in the intervening time I lost weight and so I am now the proud owner of a set of 28FF!!! Although, annoyingly, this means my choice can be somewhat limited. Most high street stores do not stock bras in a 28 fitting of any cup size, in fact a lot of your big named stores don't even stock size 30's!

Having gone through breast cancer a couple of years ago, for which I had a lumpectomy, I wanted to make sure that I was still wearing the correct size bra. As a result of the surgery my left boob is now smaller than my right and is actually more 'uplifted' than its partner! Good news is that my bra size is still correct which means that I can buy with confidence.

Molly was also overdue a size check and she was able to go down a chest size and up a cup size. She has over the last couple of years changed her shape, she has lost weight but more importantly her shape and size has changed. She has retained her muscle but has lost the excess fat and this change in bra size confirms that for her.

I would recommend all women to go and get their bra size checked as I think most would find that they are wearing the wrong size. I remember going from a 36C to a 32E and the feeling was amazing and at the same time very surprising! Get fitted ladies it will feel so much better.

Molly then drove us home and even parked the car in the garage which was a first for her!

The afternoon was started with a quick walk out as Simon broke for lunch, we managed 2.4 miles in about 46 minutes. After that I spent the remainder of the afternoon sat at the laptop going through the remainder of the new pre-school policies that I am having to update. I have 10 more to complete...nearly there!

And before I knew it it was time to cook dinner and stop for the day.

See you tomorrow.
xx

Mammogram Wednesday

Day 392...

And we have reached the middle of another week. I am still on my break from preschool but Simon is back working.

My day started with a couple of small jobs; loading the washing machine, updating the banking for preschool and booking in a collection slot for my grocery shopping.

Late morning saw me head off to my local hospital for my second annual mammogram. It is now two years since I underwent a lumpectomy, followed by radiotherapy, for breast cancer and part of my ongoing care is to have annual mammograms for 5 years.

I was due to have my first mammogram April 2020 but because of the pandemic it was cancelled and eventually rescheduled for June 2020. I had presumed that this year, and subsequent years, that my appointment would now all happen in June so I was pleasantly surprised to receive my appointment in April which means I am on track with where I would have been ordinarily.

Driving to my appointment was a little strange as I realised it was the furthest I'd driven on my own (and it was only 8 miles!) in such a long time.  I drove a route that I know really well through places that I have visited almost weekly for years and years and yet everywhere felt familiar but also strangely different. It's moments like this when the unseen effects of lockdown can suddenly strike you.

But the great thing was that I arrived in plenty of time. I waited until almost my appointment time (as instructed in my letter) and then ventured into the hospital. After checking in at reception I sat down in the waiting area, which was empty, another patient then arrived just after me and almost immediately I was called through. Ten minutes after my allotted appointment time I was back in the car. I can't fault the NHS at Derby Breast Unit everyone has been so lovely, so caring and have always put me at ease every time I have visited. I am so thankful for all that they have done for me over the last couple of years.

As I arrived home Simon was just breaking for lunch so with a change of shoes we set off on our lunchtime walk over the fields - another 1.85 miles in 37 minutes. We were also able to help a family who had wandered up the bridlepath near us in search of Alpacas...we are fortunate to have some Alpacas on a farm close by to us but this family were a little off course but a few directions later and we had them heading in the right direction.

My afternoon turned out to be a very relaxed and, for me, quite indulgent afternoon. I finished watching the last episode of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel which was fabulous, just as all three seasons so far have been; a highly recommended must watch from me. Plus I just love all the glamour of the era (late 1950's into early 1960's); all the dresses and the hats and the jewellery! 

I then started to watch a docu-series on Disney + called 'On Pointe' all about the School of American Ballet in New York. Now I am not a ballet fan, but this series was recommended by a fellow Disney geek so I though I would give it a try. And one episode in and I am hooked!

I then decided to spend a little time outside with a coffee or two and the sunshine. I was able to read a little more of Gary Taubes' 'The Case for Keto' as well as start a new book by Dr Jen Unwin called 'Fork in the Road' all about our food, and specifically sugar, addiction and how we can get past it. I just love learning more about how we are supposed to eat and understanding more about how we can high-jack our best intentions and what to do about getting back on track. Having eaten low carb/keto for almost seven years now I know how well this way of eating suits me and am fascinated with the science behind it and the history of how we found ourselves eating completely the wrong way.

Take care out there.
xx

Wet & Windy Wednesday

Day 357...

Ordinarily I would be in work on a Wednesday but due to a phone appointment this morning I'd taken the day off...well I say 'off' but I actually got quite a bit of work done.

So over the day I managed to complete a vital piece of work, a cash-flow forecast! We are approaching the last full term of the academic year and in April we see changes to the National Living Wage which means that we need a review of all our salaries to ensure that we fall inline with government guidelines as well as being able to reward our staff accordingly. 

I needed therefore to be able to have an idea of how our finances pan out between now and July and how that will in turn impact our return in September. We always need to work between 3 to 6 months ahead of ourselves so that we can ensure the correct funding is received and apply it successfully.

The main reason for being at home today though was that I had a phone consultation with a nurse from the Breast Clinic at my local hospital. It is now two years since I received my diagnosis of breast cancer and although it was caught at an extremely early stage it still meant surgery and radiotherapy. Today's phone call was to check-in with me and make sure I was doing okay and aware of the plan going forward.

Since my surgery and radiotherapy I have had one more mammogram that came back completely fine. I will now have a mammogram annually for the next four years before I get 'signed off' from the clinic. I still get odd twinges and pain in my left boob and the nurse explained today that the pain is a result of the radiotherapy, whereas I'd presumed it was to do with the surgery. Apparently during radiotherapy the angle of the treatment means that the bones get affected and the 'pain' that I am feeling is actually in my bones and can be noticed when perhaps stretching, or lying differently, or getting a hug. Good to know that what I'm experiencing is completely normal and thankfully it is nothing overtly painful to deal with, just more annoying.

I am still surprised by how the experience has affected me, not only the twinges and discomfort, but more the psychological effect. The diagnosis stays with you and even when you think you've got a handle on it it can enter your brain and mess with your head when you least expect it. I think I have a tendency to try and dismiss it because 'it was caught so early' but I have to remind myself that being told you have cancer is not something you can be prepared for. Because I don't want to feel that I'm ever 'playing on it' or 'making a fuss' it can lead to me not dealing with it as perhaps as well as I should, and not recognising that yes I have cancer, yes I had surgery and yes I had 15 rounds of radiotherapy. I need to do a better job of embracing that, accepting it and knowing that it's okay to remember what I've been through and that is now just a part of who I am.

Before lunch we had a chap arrive to do a survey of our windows as we are moving forward with replacing all our wooden windows with fancy new uPVC ones. So today was getting all the final measurements in place, double checking finishes, handles, window openings and spotting any potential 'tricky areas'. Now we just need to wait for a date when all the work can be done.

As Simon finished for his lunch we spent a few minutes showing off his R2D2 build to the 'window man'. As R2 sits in our hallway it often becomes a talking point when we have visitors and Simon is very proud (and quite rightly so) to show it off!

Despite the grey clouds and drizzle we embarked on a quick walk out though the village to simply get some fresh air; a quick 1.7 miles in 30 minutes and a little wet by the time we got back home.

And the other news of today is that I have a hair appointment...well it's booked...for 13th May! So here in England we are hopefully, all fingers and toes crossed, due to see hairdressers, tattoists and shops re-opening on April 12th...if nothing untoward happens! So my hairdresser has done the fairest thing and worked through her appointments in order to re-arrange them. I should have been going blonde again mid-February so it will now be happening mid-May instead and I can't wait to change colour and go extra-short again!

Well the day was rounded out with a trip to the 'gym' for Simon but as I was feeling a bit cold, and quite frankly not in the mood for exercise, I turned my attention to writing this blog instead.

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing take care.
xx

Creative Monday

Day 243...

Well today got off to a bit of a wobble; we were supposed to be off out first thing to collect our weekly grocery shop but I'd not had my usual email and text so I decided to check my account.

Turned out that my booked slot was for between 4pm and 5pm and not 9am - 10am, even though I'd changed the slot yesterday and had an email confirming the change of time...we decided to stay home and wait till later to go fetch it.

So with the flow of the day changed Simon took some time this morning to get back to his R2D2 build. It's been a while since he's done some work on this because of completing his other droid project, art commissions and his normal day job simply getting in the way. So today it was sanding more parts ready for priming...apparently!

I on the other hand had the amazing job of ironing...whoop! Although while ironing I was also chatting with Molly via WhatsApp as she was busy uploading some new items to her Etsy store. She'd also sent me another papercraft character that she's created to print out to make sure it will work and can be sold as a downloadable item on her store.

I then managed to secure myself a flu jab after trying to get through to my doctors numerous times this morning, and amazingly I have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. This will be my first visit to a doctors since COVID struck so that will be an interesting experience.

I was aware that the government are trying to get more people my age to get the flu jab this year but that they haven't targeted that age group yet and then I realised that I actually fall into the group of people that qualify because of a health condition that makes me more vulnerable. So this is the thing; I got diagnosed with breast cancer in March of 2019, had a lumpectomy in April of 2019, radiotherapy in June of 2019 and am now one year into having yearly check-ups for 5 years. What I hadn't realised was that this puts me into the 'vulnerable' category.

I had a text a while back about getting a flu jab and had kind of forgotten about it but then I'd had a reminder a couple of weeks ago and had been ruminating on what to do. So today I decided to figure out why I was being offered it. You see, my cancer was relatively minor, it was caught early and yes I had treatment but I have a habit of dismissing it and so it's not till something like this happens that it causes me to take stock of the situation.

My left boob (or as we like to refer to it...the naughty one) isn't the same as it once was. Although I had a lumpectomy and the scar is under my boob there is a definite difference between the two now...at least for me! The boob feels different to how it used to, the scarring has improved and it doesn't feel as numb as it once used to, but I still get weird pains every now and then; nothing major just little spikes and soreness.

And then I find out that being diagnosed and having treatment is enough to put me in the vulnerable group for a flu jab because I may have a weakened immune system due to the treatment I underwent. That's something I don't ever remember being told when going through my treatment so it does make you stop and think. I think I have tried to brush aside what I went through last year, eager to get on with this year and make the most of life (not that that is really happening for obvious reasons!) and just chalk 2019 up to being a pretty weird year, for a lot of reasons and not just the cancer one. But perhaps I need to give it more credence than I have so far, perhaps I need to acknowledge the impact it had on me and will have on me for the next few years. It's easy to try and dismiss things but harder to embrace them, accept them and incorporate them into your life.

On a lighter note the afternoon was filled with collecting the shopping, putting up a couple of shelves and attempting the papercraft people Molly had created...which was fun?! Well, Molly has created some lovely little characters and they were quite fun to cut out and assemble. But while these are very cute they are also very fiddly and were definitely not a family friendly activity in this house this afternoon as all that could be heard was a string of profanities as the frustration got to us...but in the end look what we created!

These were fun to create, even if a little testing at times, but it was still a giggle!

Well until tomorrow, take care and stay safe.

xx

Day 77

Day 77...

Today Simon and I celebrate 31 years of marriage; not that we can do much to celebrate! Instead we have spent the day in our respective work modes which for me mainly involved responding to emails and collating some paperwork together ready for a meeting I have scheduled for tomorrow with my deputy manager.

Just after lunchtime we headed out and drove the furthest we have been in the past 10 weeks as I had an appointment at hospital. This time last year I was just starting my radiotherapy treatment after having had a lumpectomy for breast cancer and now I was back to have my first mammogram following the end of my treatment. See this post about my journey last year.

I should have had this mammogram back in early April but it understandably got postponed and then just last week I received my letter with my appointment date of today. I have to admit that although I knew exactly what was going to happen today, and the actual act of having a mammogram doesn't bother me at all, I was filled with anxiety. I think all the memories and feelings from last year resurfaced and I fear that having to wait for 2 weeks for the results is not going to be easy.

I will admit to also being a little apprehensive about attending a hospital during the current circumstances so I went with mask on and hand sanitiser in my bag. The appointment was actually at one of the main hospital satellite centres which was very quiet. I was told to only arrive within 5 minutes of my appointment time so when I got to the right department there were no other patients in sight so no sooner than I had checked in with reception I was being taken through for my mammogram. All the administration staff I saw were either wearing masks or were behind screens and the medical staff all wore masks and visors.

The nurse that carried out my mammogram actually remembered me from last year as she recognised  all my Disney tattoos (and clothes) and commented that she was one of the nurses that carried out my biopsy...she remembered that even my shoes were Disney! We had a lovely chat and spoke about the effect of COVID-19 on her job and how she had been deployed to different departments within radiology as the hospital stopped more routine work and concentrated its resources for treating COVID patients. 

Interestingly in response to my general chat about how I knew lots of people who had suffered with bad coughs and colds prior to Christmas and that 'makes you wonder' she responded by commenting that there was a thinking that something had been going around since October...so who knows?!

After a lot of my previous treatments we had indulged in a coffee and cake on the way home but today it was straight home to a home-made coffee instead...and back to some more work! A few more emails, some more printing out and chatting with the landlord of the building that we use for our pre-school while Molly had another karate class via Zoom!

And that was today!

Take care,

xx

Day 69

Day 69...

Back to work today as I'd got lots to wade through in order to get to a point where we can be confident that we can re-open pre-school safely and in accordance with all the government guidelines.

So lots more reading and dissecting of guidelines and recommendations; feeding all that back into our risk assessment and my own notes. More emailing with parents to confirm exactly what their requirements are and sorting that into spreadsheets so that I can start to figure out exactly what we can offer everyone. Then chatting with my deputy manager over email exchanging information and ideas as we get ready to meet up sometime soon to thrash it all out.

I still have new policies and agreements to write as well as ensuring all staff are informed and know what the expectations of us all are; so lots more to carry on with tomorrow!

I received a letter from my local hospital today with a new date for my mammogram that was cancelled back in April, at the beginning of this lockdown. I now have an appointment next week and rather than it being at the breast unit of the hospital I was treated at it will now be at one of their satellite locations. It comes with guidance on when to arrive and what to expect because of covid; I am only to be there 5 minutes before the allotted time and to only attend on my own. Apparently I will have to wait 2 weeks for the results which I'd hoped by having it done at hospital wouldn't have been the case, but I guess with it being in another location that's the reason why. Just brings back all the memories from last year...having the first mammogram and presuming everything was fine and then discovering it wasn't, followed by the re-testing and biopsy and waiting for results.

Lunchtime saw us complete another couple of miles in around 43 minutes in absolutely glorious weather yet again and today we saw almost nobody on our travels. After more work this afternoon I managed to step away from the keyboard late this afternoon to steal about 20 minutes outside for a bit of chill time.

Molly has been approached by her employer about going to back to work...she works in non-essential retail and she really doesn't want to go back yet nor can she see the justification in re-opening at the moment. If we are honest this isn't the job she wants to be doing and was just a way of earning a little money; and at a contract of just 4 hours a week I really don't think it is worth her getting stressed over. She is desperate to pursue a career in photography or media but is struggling to find anything out there...I think she needs refocus and push her energy and time into her own venture, Shutter Studios. She is young and talented and should be using this time to do what she wants to do and to 'give it a go'; life should be lived for the moment and for trying and aiming high, you never want to be left saying 'I wonder what would have happened if....' or 'I wish I'd done...' Grab the moment and just go for it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

And there you have another day in lockdown...I think we're still in lockdown...well whatever it is I'm going to stay put as much as possible as I don't trust anyone in power at the moment. It would appear it's one rule for us and a completely different rule for them. I just hope that the majority of us are being sensible and abiding by the social distancing and staying home as much as possible as I would hate to see a spike in a few weeks time. Unfortunately only time will tell...

Take care, stay safe
xx

It's been a year...

This time last year I had my first routine mammogram. We are very fortunate here in the UK to have a breast screening program that kicks in for us women after we've turned 50 years old; a mammogram once every 5 years until we are 70.

So when I have received my letter just the other day with my appointment for my next mammogram in just a few weeks it brought back all of the emotions from the last year. I knew I would be getting a letter; in fact it had been praying on my mind; I didn't know when I'd get the letter or when the appointment would fall but I knew that the thought had been niggling at the back of my brain.

Last year, on Valentine's day to be precise, I went for my first ever mammogram appointment very much with the attitude of 'it's just routine, a minor inconvenience' and almost with a preconceived idea that everything would be absolutely fine. After all my boobs felt okay; I'd not had any cause for worry, no unusual lumps or bumps, no pains or discolouration. In fact I quite liked my boobs; decent size and shape and despite being 51 years old and having breast fed two children they weren't looking too bad and were holding up pretty well.

By sheer coincidence one of my work colleagues also had her first mammogram the day after I had mine. When she asked me a couple of weeks later if I'd had a letter, as she'd had hers saying that everything was fine and to come back in 5 years, I had the first thought that something might be amiss as I'd not had anything. Surely my letter should have arrived by now?...after all I'd had my mammogram first...my brain tried to tell me that I was being paranoid and to stop worrying; it was probably just one of those things.

But then the letter arrived on the Friday asking me to go to the Breast Unit at my local hospital for a second mammogram the following Tuesday morning...but even the letter said 'hey, don't worry, this happens sometimes'. Again the pragmatic side of my brain tried to convince me that this was just a glitch and that a few minutes for a second mammogram would show that everything was fine!

Well suffice to say that second mammogram was not just a few minutes, by the time I left the hospital that Tuesday lunchtime I'd had a mammogram, an ultra sound and a biopsy for some white things that had shown up. A week later I was back at the breast unit being told I had Ductal Carcinoma in Situ (DCIS); thankfully the earliest stage of breast cancer and a form that is classified as non-invasive but that still needs to be treated.

With DCIS the cells in the milk ducts have become abnormal and have changed to cancer cells but have not spread anywhere. The concern is that these cells could spread at some point in the future and they could spread slowly or quickly; a series of unknown events. So with my diagnosis I was offered a choice - either be treated or undergo a further test to see if I would be suitable for a study where women have no treatment and are just observed for the next 5 years to see if the cancer develops further or not.

I took the option of treatment, I simply didn't want to run the risk of this turning into something bigger that would mean more invasive treatment than what I was already being offered. So only a few weeks later I was back in hospital to have a lumpectomy followed, a few weeks later, by a course of 3 weeks of radiotherapy. See my previous post for more details of my diagnosis and treatment - Last Day

So that brings us to now and me feeling the need to write this post. The last 12 months since receiving my diagnosis has been a bit of a whirlwind, not only because of this but other life and work events that have all added up to it being a bit of a full on year. Suffice to say I perhaps haven't coped as well as I thought I had and the letter arriving in my post box has kind of rekindled a lot of feelings that either I had quashed or simply not had the chance, or time, to fully engage with.

I think it's been easy for me to dismiss the cancer as a blip, after all it was caught early and was non-invasive...it was almost easier to dismiss it as 'not a proper cancer'...and as a consequence I perhaps haven't allowed myself the good grace of acknowledging just what I have gone through and the knock-on effects.

I am very much a 'get-on with it' kind of person...I try not to let things that I have no control over 'get to me'; to only deal with things as and when they need me to deal with them - there's no point worrying about something that may or may not happen until it actually does happen. You can waste an awful lot of energy worrying over 'if's, but's and maybe's' and I'd rather target my energy into things I can actually do something about.

But this cancer malarkey is a 'big deal', bigger than I think I have admitted, and it has bothered me and affected me, perhaps even more than I realised. My left boob is not the same as it once was; now don't get me wrong having a little bit cut out is preferable to having my boob removed completely but it still feels different and that has had an impact on me, and perhaps more than I thought it ever would or have truly acknowledged.

From a visual standpoint everything looks great, I was fortunate that the incision and removal was towards the lower/under part of my boob and so the scar is not overtly visible. It has not stopped me wearing all my usual clothes and although I can tell that my left boob is smaller than my right no-one else would know. But it still doesn't feel like it once did.

I struggle with the fact that a year on I am still 'aware' of my left boob. The area around the incision is still numb in parts and I still get niggles and pains. I am aware of the weight in my boob when I move that I don't get in my other side. I am aware that it can feel sore or tender when getting squished. I feel surprisingly self-conscious about it. I am aware of when I've done more than I should have physically and I've been cautious about exercising and returning to the gym.

And I think it is all of this that has surprised me; the affects that are staying with me almost a year after my operation. And because it feels like it's still with me a year after it all happened means that it is always there somewhere in my brain and that annoys me. So getting my next mammogram appointment gives me a sense of foreboding; of going into the unknown once again. Will it be clear? What if they find it again? What if something else shows up? Then what?

I really don't want this post to sound all 'woe is me'. I'm simply trying to take stock of the situation and put my big girl pants on and admit that is has affected me, more than I could have expected, more than I realised and it will continue to affect me but that's okay, that's to be expected and it's okay to admit all of that.

I will deal with whatever comes my way, knowing that I have people I can rely on and talk to and that will help me find my way through. I will refocus my energies into making sure I live my best life and grab whatever opportunities come my way. Getting cancer, any kind of cancer, sucks big time and it's good to admit that, it's good to have a cry, to shout, to moan, to throw a tantrum in fact it's good to do whatever you need to do to get through it. It's my body that this is affecting and I will deal with it however I want to deal with it and I will take back the power and try to not let it control me and let me fight to be me.

Bye Bye 2019...Hello 2020

Well it's that time again when it's customary to look back at one year as we start a new one.

And to be honest 2019 has been a bit of a roller coaster of a year with some very low points peppered with a few highs.

The year started off fairly standard returning to work after two weeks off over the festive period only to be struck down by a stomach virus after just 2 days of work. This resulted in 4 of my staff team all being out of action with the same virus which meant I had to close the pre-school I manage for 3 days; a first in my 18 years of pre-school work!

Moving into February and one of my best highlights of the year. I was lucky enough to get VIP tickets to see my most favourite of bands 'White Lies'; this meant not only did I get to see them in concert but also got chance to watch them do their soundcheck, meet them and get my photo taken with them as well as come away with some great merchandise. This was a fantastic night and one that will stay with me for a long time...to say I was a little bit excited would be an understatement!

Enjoying the soundcheck

Meeting the band - eek!

Front row!!!

This was the start to a couple of weeks of fun times; celebrating a friends 50th, attending our regular burlesque evening at La Deda Cabaret, getting my pencils out at a local life drawing class called Dr Sketchy's and even a weekend away during an unseasonably warm weekend at the end of February.

In amongst all of that I had an appointment for a routine mammogram...just one of those regular things that us women of a certain age get asked to attend. Two weeks after the scan I received a letter from the hospital asking me to visit because they just wanted to 'double check' my scan...nothing to worry about...just one of those things! Suffice to say there was something to be worried about and a diagnosis of breast cancer saw the next 4 months being a blur of hospital appointments. Here's a link to a blog post that marked my last day of treatment and goes into more detail about my diagnosis and treatment; Last Day

During these four months life carried on as normal as possible; Ethan was finishing his final year at university and Molly had the last few months of sixth form ending with her A-Level exams, we had more 50th birthday celebrations, I took part in a charity fashion show, there was Avengers End Game to see, Molly turned 18 and another burlesque evening!

Then in May I was able to get a little more ink...and Molly got her first! See my earlier post; And Some More Disney Ink

Molly getting inked by the lovely Saint Heywood at Acadia Tattoo

And the completed ink...just had to be The Lion King

And for me a pink ribbon...

During this time we had also made the decision to book a holiday to Disneyland Paris...it had been 4 years since our last trip to Paris as a family and 6 years since our last visit to Walt Disney World. We were desperate to get a little Disney into our lives and with all that the year had brought so far we were determined to get out there and live life to the fullest! See the post - 69 Days and Counting

June saw Simon and I celebrate 30 years of marriage....

A 'now & then' photo!

...Molly and Ethan both sat their final exams and finished their respective times in education and my treatment came to an end.

In July we had the chance to support an event called Real Food Rocks held in the Lake District; it was chance for people to discuss and learn more about our approach to food in relation to our health. How if we wish to retain our health or reverse conditions like type 2 diabetes then we need to look at the foods we eat and readjust. Read my post from July all about the event - Real Food Rocks

The end of July saw Ethan achieving a first in his Computer Science degree and we had a great day at his graduation. He then secured himself a programmer job working for a computer games company which is something he has always wanted to do.

August saw Molly receive her A-Level results doing fantastic with an A*, A and B, she is now busy working part-time while establishing her own photography business Shutter Studios

This year was becoming a year of changes; both 'kids' leaving education and moving out into the big wide world, us getting used to the fact that the 'kids' are no longer 'kids' and then my body going through changes as a result of my treatment.

So our trip to Disneyland Paris in August seemed to time itself perfectly. We all had a fantastic time...and I really must find the time to look back at the holiday and get a few posts written and photos shared.

We ended August with a trip to London to see another of my all time favourite bands, She Wants Revenge, who played the O2 academy in Islington. We had seen them only once before, many years ago at a small venue in Sheffield and were thrilled to get the chance to see them again.

As we moved into September I had a hospital check-up which went well and now means I have an annual mammogram for the next 5 years just to make sure!

But within a few days of receiving that good news Simon's mum was diagnosed with heart failure and atrial fibrillation. This then plunged us into 4 months of doctors appointments, phone calls at all times of day, hospital visits (so many that we joked the car could drive itself there), organising home care and panic alarms, calling out paramedics, house sitting waiting for medical equipment to be delivered, liaising with social care, hospital staff, doctors, nurses...it was a never ending deluge of 'stuff' we had to deal with. Now what I should make clear at this point is that Simon is an only child and therefore the responsibility for his elderly mum all fell at his feet and he accepted that responsibility with good grace, care and diligence despite everything. Simon had also been the sole carer for his parents over the last decade or more, doing all he could for his dad when diagnosed with dementia until he passed away 3 years ago. He supported his mum through his dad's illness and then subsequently with every day life after his dad passed away. But this has never been an easy situation to handle, and one that has lasted for most of Simon's life. It is only through events over the last few years and months that we have begun to realise the emotional abuse that Simon, and as a consequence me, have been subjected to by his mum. This is not the forum to go into details but suffice to say the actions and behaviour of one person have had an unbelievable impact on our lives and well being. Sadly this meant that when she passed away just before Christmas it was met with a great sense of relief rather than sadness and mourning, along with the realisation that we are now free to move forward with our lives.

Oh and while all this was happening I got told that the pre-school I manage was being evicted from its current premises (we had been there for 17 years) and that we had just over 3 months to find somewhere new! This was a complete shock to us all and absolutely heartbreaking. But plans are in place and things are now moving forward; there will be lots of changes ahead but the good news is that we hope to be in our new premises by the end of February.

But despite these past few months we have pulled together, made each other stronger and somehow found the time, energy and strength to carry on and get on with life as best we could. So while we had to sacrifice going to the gym or getting Molly to her karate classes, or had to re-schedule day-to-day stuff we still enjoyed some precious moments.

We had some great nights out with friends and family, we introduced Molly to The Rocky Horror Show in the theatre, we enjoyed a night out to see Tim Minchin live, we had more burlesque nights and more life drawing afternoons!

We also were able to get out with our fellow Star Wars cosplay friends and troop at a number of events. We attended Feel the Force in Peterborough, a special comic-con set up for families with additional needs and for the third year running we attended the Nottingham Hospitals Charity Children's Christmas parties. And with the release of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker film we were asked to take part in one of a number of troops held at our local Odeon cinema which saw us raising money for two charities; MIND (mental health) and PASIC (cancer support for children & young people).

Feel the Force - with Joker Squad

Nottingham Hospitals Children's Christmas Party - with East Midlands Garrison

Odeon Cinema, Derby - troop with East Midlands Garrison for the release of The Rise of Skywalker

The last weekend in November saw the house get taken over with Christmas decorations...both inside and out! I just love this time of the year and love the tradition of decorating the whole house!

Part of my back garden - love these blow mould decorations

My main tree...and it's all Disney of course!

Black & Silver tree

And tree number 3 lives in my kitchen!

For my birthday weekend we headed down to London to see White Lies in concert (again) at Brixton Academy. This was a special concert forming part of a small tour to celebrate the 10th anniversary of their debut album. They played the album in full plus a selection of other songs; it was a fantastic concert, with an amazing atmosphere...we made new friends, had beer thrown over us and Simon got kissed by a random man! Such a great night!

Singing my heart out!!

Made this frame to remember both White Lies concerts 

And just before Christmas we had an evening at the cinema to see the latest Star Wars installment...the evening started at 6pm with a showing of The Force Awakens followed by The Last Jedi followed at one minute past midnight by a showing of the latest movie The Rise of Skywalker. Back home and in bed for about 2.45am to be up at 6.30am for work!!

We have then rounded the year out with a very relaxed Christmas and New Year, we have re-connected with relatives, spent time with friends and family and simply enjoyed the time we have had together as a family.

We are now looking forward to what the year ahead shall bring. We are making plans for that big Disney holiday we have been longing for and making sure that every moment counts.

Wishing you all the very best for 2020 whatever that may bring you. Keep smiling and keep those you love close and cherish every moment you have xx

Last Day...

So today marks the last day of my radiotherapy treatment.

This is not something that I have gone into in too much detail here on my blog. In fact it's not something I've wanted to make public to the world at large but now as the treatment comes to its conclusion let me fill you in.

Back in mid February, being a woman of a certain age, I got the letter through the post asking me to attend a routine mammogram which I duly did without an awful lot of thought.

Two weeks later I received a letter asking me to come into hospital for a further mammogram. Everything was worded very much along the lines of 'nothing to worry about but sometimes we have to do a second one'.

A few days later I was in the Breast Unit of my local hospital; I had another mammogram and was told there were a few white marks they needed to look at a bit closer and that after the mammogram I would have an ultra sound. So sure enough after a short wait I had an ultra sound and something was mentioned about having a needle procedure at which point I thought 'ok so by needle you mean biopsy - this is getting real'. After a long wait I underwent a biopsy, I then had a week to wait before I could go back for the results.

So as you can probably guess the results weren't great. I was given a diagnosis of Ductal Carcinoma in Situ; a form of breast cancer found in the milk ducts. Thankfully what was found was small and at a very early stage. The treatment plan set out before me was to undergo a lumpectomy, to remove the bad stuff, followed by a course of radiotherapy that would reduce the risk of re-occurrance.

Within three weeks of my diagnosis I was back at hospital for the lumpectomy. Thankfully this was all completed within a day and I was back home to recover. After confirming that all the nasty stuff had been removed and allowing sufficient time for my body to recover after the operation I then started a course of radiotherapy; 15 treatments in all.

Yesterday I saw my oncologist who was very happy with all the treatment given and then today I visited the radiotherapy department for the last time. It felt kind of strange to leave my gown behind today, this has travelled back and forth with me over the last few weeks and it seemed very poignant to leave it there...

These last four and a half months have been a whirlwind and at times a bit of a rollercoaster ride. Our lives were given a bit of a side swipe, our routines knocked out of place, our emotions thrown into turmoil, all of the usual life stuff was put into a whole new perspective.

I have been extremely fortunate to have had my amazing hubby and kids to support me all the way through this; a set of friends who would do anything for me and a fantastic team at work who have given me the time and space to get through it all.

I was extremely lucky that this was found early on and dealt with so efficiently. I cannot thank enough the wonderful team of NHS staff who have looked after me with such care and compassion. I have emerged at the end of it all in the best state possible; all the treatment has been successful and now I just have yearly mammograms to make sure it stays away!

So today I rang the bell to signify the end of treatment and then indulged in some cake to celebrate!

With much love and thanks to everyone at Royal Derby Hospital xx